Ever feel like you have so much to say, you just don’t know where to begin? Like you just vomit on all of the words that are in your mouth but they are just stuck?
Or, you don’t know what to do other than just…cry? So many questions that you want to ask, or know the answer to. Yet we can’t. Maybe we won’t ever know the answer.
Yeah. That’s kind of where I’m at.
I’m not great with words. Sometimes, I find myself crying. Not because I am necessarily sad, or mad…just because. Because that’s my release. That’s my way of communicating my feelings. And that’s when I write.
Life is hard. To be honest, there are times, life flat out sucks. And it’s in those crappy times, our own life seems to be put into perspective.
Last week some very good friends of ours got some terrible news. Their six year old daughter, Leah, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia…for the 2nd time. Not right. Not fair. Just…wrong.
This is one of those times that life can suck. One of those times where words don’t come easy…for anyone.
My daughter, Emaleigh sat down the other day to write Leah a letter. She was very excited to sit down and do it (because she loves to write).
I walked by at one point and tears were streaming down her face. I asked if she wanted to talk and she simply said, “no”. I respected that and let her finish.
When she was done, she got up and immediately went to her room and laid down. I followed her, sat next to her on her bed and she leaned over and just said, “Why?”
Again, this is one of those times where I don’t have an answer…and wish with all of my being that I did.
“Leah already knows what this is like, and how hard it is…so WHY does she have to go through it again??”
Sigh. It’s hard to answer your kids when you don’t have an answer…or at least an easy one.
In Emaleigh’s short 10 years on this earth, she already encompasses so much wisdom. Unfortunately, she watched my Dad be sent off to prison, so she understands heartache. She understands let down. But she also understands prayer, and the power of it.
As I talked with Ray about this, this is what he said,
“All we can tell her, is God allows us to walk through dark seasons to lean more strongly on Him. We are refined by the difficulties in life. How we respond to them defines who we are and the person we choose to grow to be. We have to always try to grow wherever we are.”
Yes, my husband is the one who is great with words. And, he always knows what to say.
Our hearts break when our kids’ do. Our hearts break alongside our friends when they are having difficulties. And this is what I’ve learned:
It’s ok to not know all of the answers.
It’s ok to not fill the silence with words.
It’s ok to not know what to say.
It’s ok to cry when words don’t come out.
It’s ok to not like a season that we are in, but we must remember that is all it is…a season.
Seasons change, and along with that, so do we. Whether we know it or not, we are growing in each season that we to through.
We must be there for each other. Hold each other’s heads above the water. Be a life boat for someone. Even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on, a meal, a phone call, or just a prayer. Be that person for someone else, because some day, it might be you needing a rescue. Praise God in the storm, and together we will get through the storm.