Two Too Many…

So, I know that I have shared my feelings about snakes before…but since then, I have had two encounters. Two. Two too many.

The first encounter was just a few weeks ago. We were weeding the area where we were going to plant flowers. Ugh. Just thinking about the weeds makes me irritable. They literally grow overnight…sometimes two feet tall! But, I’ll take weeds that are two feet high over snakes any day!

Anyway, we pulled the weeds and then put them in a large piles to gather later. When it was time to handle the pile of weeds, I was by myself. Not surprising…that’s part stinks. Well, to get the pile in the trashcan, I would take the rake in one hand and use my other to grab the pile and pull it close to my body to carry over. On my third turn of doing this, right as i’m bringing it up to carry over to the trash, I look down, and there it was…tangled in my weeds. I immediately dropped the pile to the ground, and ran towards the front door all while screaming my head off. Screaming so loud that Emaleigh ran to meet me at the door. I told her what I saw, and she went to go look.

“There’s nothing over there, Mommy.”

Ray came outside, and after searching the pile, found it. I could see him using the hoe to direct the snake away from the lawn. Seriously? ”It’s just going to come right back!”, I yelled at him!

Yeah. I don’t do snakes. Apparently, this snake was “no bigger than a Twizzler”, Ray informed me. I don’t care. Yes, I made Ray kill it. Sorry. Not sorry.

In an attempt to make me feel better he said, “it was just a little baby.” Ha! Well you know what that means right?? Somewhere lurking in the grass is the mom (or dad) who probably has 2 heads and is going to come for revenge. Ugh.

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Ok, so fast forward to this past Monday. It’s just the kids and I home and i decided to mow the lawn. I mow the border of the entire lawn, and do two large strips right down the middle. As I go to turn the mower around to head back down, I see it. Snake #2. It’s not moving. I reach over and turn the mower off. Stand there for a second wondering why there is no head or tail. But from what I could see, it probably was about the size of a Twizzler this time.

So, I do what any good mother would do. I ran in the house and asked my kids, “which one of you wants to come get this snake?”

Emaleigh and Elijah both ran out to see it, and after careful consideration Elijah said, “I’ll do it Mommy.” That’s my boy.

He ran inside and put on his black irrigation boots and ran to the garage to grab the best weapon he could find…a garden hoe.

Elijah led the way down the landing strip in the lawn, heading right towards the snake. Emaleigh and I followed carefully behind him. I could just hear the converation that Elijah was having with himself in his head as we walked. I’m sure it was something like this…”Daddy always tells me to be the man of the house when he’s gone. Here’s my chance to prove to him that I am. I’m going to do this…then we can mount the head of this giant beast so I can tell everyone about The Day That I Destroyed the Beast.”
We stopped at where the snake was (well, Elijah did…Em and I were about 15 feet away) and Elijah took a deep breath. He lifted the hoe behind his head and then swung it down.
Yep. This snake was definitely bigger than a Twizzler. His head and tail must have been stuck down in the hole, because as soon as the hoe hit it, it jumped in the air, and coiled up when it landed! During this, the three of us let out a huge scream and ran away!

Elijah was literally shaking in his boots, but he wanted to give is another try…or another whack I should say. So, he slowly walked up again, swung and the snake did the same thing. Except this time, he started slithering away. This time, we screamed (might have just been me) so loud that both of my sides went into a cramp. We all ran up to the steps of the porch and just sat a minute. We all started giggling and I told the kids, “You are all my witness that this snake was big! Please tell Daddy so he believes me!” I had my hand on my phone in my pocket, and I wish I would have gotten it out and started recording. It was the kind of stuff that goes viral on the internet…it was hilarious. I’m glad we don’t have any close neighbors because they would have had a front row seat to some funny shenanigans brought to you by the Mondragon family.

Elijah said, “I saw it’s eyes open Mommy! It’s mad…and it’s a corn snake! Don’t worry-they aren’t poisonous, but they ARE deadly!” Hmmm… I’m not sure if that’s possible, but I’m going to believe it anyway.

So now, there is a snake who is possibly injured lurking around the yard and a lawn that is 1/3 of the way mowed. Oh well. I left the lawn mower right where it was the entire night and didn’t give it a second thought until Ray told me, “It’s an irrational fear. The snake isn’t waiting for you to come back out.” Yeah. That’s what he thinks. I could already hear inside of the snakes head too! Remember Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride? Yep, that’s the snake and he was waiting for me saying, “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father (sister, baby, Twizzler or whatever). Prepare to die.’

Well, yesterday morning, I worked up enough courage to go finish mowing. I put sweat pants on and tucked them into my shoes. I’m not having anything slither up my leg! The only reason I didn’t wear my knee high boots is because I didn’t want them stained green. I put a sweatshirt on so that every inch of my skin was covered…just in case. And yes, I even mowed the lawn one handed so that I could hold my hoe in the other. Do you know how hard that is?

You bet your sweet bottom I was ready yesterday. But, I did it. I finished mowing…and even better I didn’t get attacked or started by a snake. So, boom!

That is, until next time…because (living on a farm) I’m positive that there WILL be a next time. So, if you see me mowing or gardening in full on riot gear, you’ll know why.

 

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