My husband and I were planning an anniversary trip the other day, and we mentioned that we’ll have been married 10 years in March. 5-yr-old N overheard the conversation and said, “Wow, you guys have been married ten years? It feels like twenty!” We just laughed and agreed – it does feel like twenty most of the time.
Caiti Mondragon had a great post last week about accomplishing a decade of marriage, and the ten-year mark does really feel like a big one. When it comes up in conversation, people have been congratulating me, and I keep seeing articles and blog posts about the admirable things couples have done to make it to the big ten. Which leads me to believe in this age of staggering divorce rates, going strong at ten years must be more impressive than I thought.
We were 22 when we got married – almost 23, but definitely still babies. We had no business thinking we were grown up enough to be husband and wife! But just out of college, our ceremony outside New Orleans really was a fairytale wedding, and even with today’s perspective on how young we were, I would do it again. We had a lot of growing up to do, but we seem to have succeeded in doing it together, and a decade plus two kids later we are still growing up with one another. We’ve been through innumerable uncertainties – marriage counseling in the early years, difficult lost pregnancies a little later, and changes in house and career and education – and I’m damn sure we’ll face a lot more in the next decades together.
I came across a hilarious column a few days ago, a list of 23 Things You Can Still Do After Getting Married at 22 , and nearly everything the author said was right on point for me. I got those bad decisions out of the way before I met my husband, and the good things (like making a cake and starting a business) I have managed to accomplish even while being married. In fact, I’m not sure I would have been able to accomplish half of what I’ve done without his support and encouragement. And that’s the thing that’s kept us going through some pretty tough bumps. We support each other, and we have a pretty even, egalitarian relationship. I was my husband’s biggest fan at his hockey games in college, and these days I blog to brag about his creativity and game development. He impresses me, and I like to think I impress him, too. He shares my writing with the world, and when I feel like a failure of a mom he rubs my back and reminds me I’m actually pretty good at it.
When some husbands tell their stay-at-home wives they expect them to take care of the kids, the house, and the dog all while putting a hot dinner on the table with a smile every night, mine outwardly appreciates that I manage to do most of those things most days, and picks up the slack for me when I don’t. He takes on my crazy neuroses with a laugh, and I don’t smother him in his sleep when he snores like a chainsaw. It all works out, and it doesn’t feel like a feat to me. Yeah, we’re going to Vegas to celebrate because ten years is a big deal, but I have no doubt we’ll celebrate 20, 30, and 40 with the same ups, downs, and commitment to keep moving along side by side.