So won’t the real normal mom please stand up, please stand up…

Which one is the normal one?

Which one is the normal one?

A few weeks ago, at the dinner table, my nine year old daughter said, “I am kinda glad I don’t have a normal mom.” In hash tag language it would look something like #NotQuiteaCompliment. But then I started wondering, “Who is a normal mom?” “What does a normal mom do?” Because I was also thinking, none of my friends are normal moms either.  So, I asked her.  Her definition made me wonder if episodes of Leave it to Beaver were now playing on Netflix and she gave up her love of Good luck Charlie to watch those instead.

Here is a normal mom survey built out of her understanding of a “normal” mom. I chose to create a simple likert scale to collect your responses.  Simply answer the questions in the matrix with a response from 1-4 based on the key below.

  • Column 1 = Always True, I am perfect!
  • Column 2 = Sometimes True, but I am too ashamed to really commit
  • Column 3 = Only true if I am in a strange mood
  • Column 4 = Are you freaking Kidding me?
1 2 3 4
I like housework
I get up and put on a full outfit, even if not going to
work. I probably fix my hair and makeup too.
I don’t dance (or do any other physical activity like
sports) with my kids but an occasional waltz is all right.
I always use a quiet voice – even when excited
– I don’t jump up and down either.
I listen to “old people music” at home and in the car. (Please exclude Fleetwood Mac and Carpenters when answering this.)
I don’t play with my kids and I would never let them do my hair or makeup.
And finally, I am very organized and always turn in
library books on time.

Now, add up your responses. Lets score these with the sort of valid and reliable methods you may find in the likes of – oh glamour magazine:

28 – 21 Abnormal Mother Alert
Come on over friend. We will drink margaritas at our favorite Mexican Restaurant and ignore the spitball battle going on at the “kid” end of the table. None of us are perfect and somewhere in our imperfections lies the beauty of what makes us all unique mothers.

20-17 The Type A Mother
You might seem a bit OCD to your friends but seriously,  you can still join me for margaritas. In fact, I could use your ideas for creating systems so that the library doesn’t need to send a debt-collecting agency after me. (Did I mention I am a librarian?)

16-12  The Almost Normal Mother – It’s not too late!
You really may want to look into some therapy. Relax, paint a picture – Hobby Lobby has Bob Ross paint kits.  Let your little boy decorate your fingernails for this Sunday’s Broncos game. Play is good for the soul – let your kids show you the way.

Finally, a Normal Mom  11-6
Okay, I can’t make up my mind.  You are some kind of cross between June Cleaver and a Stepford Wife.  I bet you could give Jason and Michael Myers both a run on the serial killer scale.  I am somewhat comforted however that you probably don’t exist.

Now that I think about it, dear daughter, I am glad your mom is not normal either

4 thoughts on “So won’t the real normal mom please stand up, please stand up…

  1. Lmao Erin! Your test seems to be biased! When I find myself saying are you freakin kidding me more often than not & saying hmmm I love dance parties, I figured to be in for an abnormal parent alert! But at the same time, I absolutely love that my 15 yr old teenager will still get up & take part in my random craziness! Even though he shakes his head at my antics, I can still see him trying to hide his smile and his dimple that’s a dead giveaway. Wouldn’t change a thing!

    Like

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