Goals, Grass and Marriage

Every first Tuesday of the month a group of people from our church get together and talk.  It’s called First Tuesday (get it). It’s a time where we are able to share our thoughts, joys and even fears knowing that no one is there to judge us.

Last night, we went around our circle of women and shared something that we accomplished over the past year, whether it was a personal goal or a resolution that was put into action.  The first three women went and then it was my turn…”I don’t think I accomplished anything.”

I left feeling awful.  What do I do all year? Why don’t I set goals for myself? I left feeling like someone who just lives day to day with nothing that I’m necessarily working towards.  And, that’s the last person I want to be.  I didn’t become a famous cake decorator.  I didn’t write a book.  I didn’t go back to school…sheesh, what DID I do? Oh wait, I managed to be an integral part of raising my kids…but really, does that count?

When we left and got in the car, I shared my feelings with Ray.  Without any hesitation he said, “Honey, what about 10 years of marriage?”

How could I forget? That’s HUGE!

I immediately wanted to text the other ladies in the group and share what my husband had come up with for me! Ladies, I almost forgot…I completed my goal of being married for 10 years. But, that just doesn’t sound right.

You see, being married for 10 years was never a “goal”, but having a successful marriage was my prayer. When Ray and I got married, we didn’t halfheartedly sign the paper in hopes that we could make it…we signed the paper knowing that it was going to take work to make it…and “til death do us part” we were going to make it work.

Being married to my best friend is awesome…but let’s be honest, marriage itself is not something to just float through.  It takes a lot of TLC. It’s give and take.  It’s compromise.  It’s no longer only about you…you have another half that you always need to consider.  It’s putting God directly in the center of your marriage, and keeping Him there.

Ten Years.  It’s still crazy for me to think that I’m old enough to be married for this long…let alone have 3 kids, the oldest which is 9! So yes, when I look at it that way, it is quite a feat.  Our marriage has had its shares of love, laughter and learning, and it’s also shared heartbreak and tears. But it’s been SO worth it.

I once heard someone say something to the affect of this:

The grass isn’t really greener on the other side…it’s only green where you water it.

This little morsel has stuck with me throughout these past ten years.

If you never “water” your marriage, it’s going to turn brown, so of course the other side will always look greener.  But, if you are constantly tending to and watering your marriage (those vows are serious) your grass will be green and lush.  Now, I’m not saying my grass is perfectly green.  Every once in a while we get a piece of dog poop on our grass, or a little dandelion that pops up…And here is where the TLC comes in.  Tend to your marriage.

Pay attention to your spouse.  Don’t lose sight of what made you fall in love with them in the very beginning…WAY back in the day.   Keep watering the grass.  

So, again, when I look at my marriage this way: I’m proud to say that WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR TEN YEARS…and now, I can look at the past year with no regret and proudly declare that I accomplished something HUGE. (High five, Ray! Or, knuckles…whatever you prefer.)



7 thoughts on “Goals, Grass and Marriage

  1. My dears,

    What a beautiful message you have shared! Absolutely, tend your marriage. I have seen for myself how clearly the two of you do just that! Thank you with my whole heart for your visit the day after Christmas, It was such a joyful, fun filled few hours! As I watched you and Ray talking with my children, and watched my grandchildren with your children, my heart was filled with the knowledge that we are all family, our family is totally tended to! I shall look forward to seeing these seven beautiful children grow up together and know that the gardens they are from are very, very well tended. I’m so proud of you both…

    I love each of you…
    Auntie Viv


  2. Yay! I understand that feeling…I feel like this falls into the same emotions when you realize the ‘zinger’ of a comeback later, or accidentally say something that unintentionally offends someone, etc. etc. I am very, very familiar with that feeling, lol. 🙂 Happy Ten Years!


  3. Pingback: Ten Years Into Marriage, and He Still Lets Me Bake a Cake | Rocky Parenting

  4. Pingback: Ten Years into Marriage…No Applause Needed | ...like the fish love the sea

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