I don’t particularly care for the color pink. In fact, for my baby shower, I specifically told my friend Sarah “no pink,” which was hard for her because she has an abnormal obsession with the color.
I can count the number of pink shirts I own on one hand… OK, maybe it’s a few more than that. But nevertheless, it’s not that many.
I wear a dress or skirt about once every third month. Even at a young age (much to my mom’s disappointment), I was never very interested in wearing dresses, especially pink ones.
When I first started thinking of having a baby, I almost always envisioned having a family of boys and, honestly, that’s what I was secretly hoping for. In fact, I was pretty convinced Miss Ella was a boy. So when we found out we were having a girl, I have to admit I had a little disappointment.
I had visions of princess dresses and tantrums and pink frills. I always saw myself as the mom with her overall-clad boys, not the mom with her daughter in the tutu. I know that might sound harsh and, perhaps, a little stereotypical, but I’m just being honest (and no, I do not think all girls are like this).
I just had never thought about raising a daughter.
To be perfectly honest, I was afraid of the relationship I’d have with her; through high school, I’m pretty sure my mom wanted to drop me in a field and drive away. It was not the best years of our mother-daughter relationship. It’s the eighth wonder of the world that I’m alive to write these blogs.
Anyway, I could not be more wrong, or feel guiltier for my disappointed feelings over having a girl. I am absolutely in love with my little girl.
As you carry a baby for nine months, of course you come to love him or her, but it is nothing compared to the overwhelming, all-consuming love you feel when you physically get to hold them. (I like to imagine this is what it’s like for those parents who see their adoptive children for the first time, too).
We have always talked about having more than one child, and I really do wonder how I will find more love to give another child because I just love Ella so much.
Even though she’s only 15 months old, Ella and I have special days where we go shopping at Babies R’ Us for clothes and shoes for her; because I do love clothes and shoes. We discuss cooking and baking, we listen to music, and we dance.
I look forward to painting her nails and sharing my obsession for jewelry – real and costume. Ella and I are both July babies and I have already earmarked my ruby jewelry for her, along with anything else she wants.
Really, I envision a Gilmore Girls-esque relationship…
I think most parents have a secret hope of one gender or another, but when that little person comes into your arms for the very first time (biological or not), gender is the absolute last thing on your mind.
Boys can have a tantrum as good as any girl out there and come with their own challenges. How these little ones turn out has nothing to do with gender, but everything to do with how we raise them.
I don’t really care if Ella ends up loving the color pink and wearing dresses every day or whatever other direction she may go. All I want is for Ella to be a strong, independent little girl turned woman who questions everything, and I will try my best to raise her as such, as well as be a living example for her.
With the next kiddo, it doesn’t matter which we have. Although, I feel pretty skilled at baby girls so I’m not sure how I’ll handle a boy.
Besides, I’ve come to accept (and even like) the dresses and the pink (but only for Ella, because, well, she is so stinkin’ cute in them!).